Author: April Ivy

Wonder Woman (2017)

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Apparently, the inhabitants of Paradise Island have no body hair. But then again, I guess it’s not the movie studio’s job to change every dang thing that’s been imposed on women since the dawn of time.

 

First, I must address the trailer for the new Transformers movie they showed before this movie. How did they get Anthony Hopkins to be in a Transformers movie? It just seems so unlikely somehow. Did they hold one of his family members hostage or something?

Okay, so everyone already knows that this is an entertaining movie. I think it’s currently sitting at 90 million percent fresh on Rotten Tomatoes (if you’re wondering why it’s more than 100%, it’s because I rounded up). And finally, somebody at Warner Brothers realized that these DC movies need some humor in them.

Anyway, here are the good choices they made:

  • No invisible airplane– It seems like a wise move in this installment.
  • Showing her journey from being very naive to having knowledge she might have been happier without– So, in other words, it’s just like your own journey through life, but over a shorter period of time. Of course, I am a very pessimistic person and part of me thinks that she was still deluded about the “power of love” right to the end and beyond. But I’m also a person who gets depressed, and I almost cried at one point because there is no actual Wonder Woman to save any of us from ourselves. I swear, the most random things in any movie will make me cry.
  • Casting Gal Gadot: she’s great as Wonder Woman and she was born to do that superhero pose. Possibly, the movie studio created her in some genetics lab specifically for this movie.
  • Girl Power: I saw a little girl posing for a picture after the movie. She was raising her arms up in triumph. She was probably three or four years old. I stopped being depressed then, at least for a little while. Good for you little girl.

 

 

 

Rogue One (2016)

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I’ve noticed that the Galaxy Far Far Away has gotten much more ethnically diverse in the last 40 years. Coincidentally, the people there who look like the people on our planet that we call Asians, are also kick-ass at the martial arts. What are the odds?

So this is a good movie, and I won’t give out any spoilers, but I will say that I think that the people at Disney who are in charge of all these new Star Wars movies are hell-bent on breaking our hearts.

Photo: Hypable.com at http://www.hypable.com/new-star-wars-rogue-one-trailer-celebration/

Hamilton

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Now, if you’re like me, you’ve never seen Hamilton. It’s not about whether you want to see it or not, it’s just about the fact that it’s unavailable, so you don’t even get to decide if you want to see it or not. But, thanks to the wonders of the internet, you have to keep hearing about it. I mean every day someone mentions this damn play and it’s just getting perplexing— I mean, what are you missing?

So after extensive research, by which I mean I spent two minutes googling it and watching one YouTube video because my attention span is not really that long, I have found out for you everything you need to know.

What is it about?

It’s about a guy who’s not throwing away his shot.

Who is the star?

The star is Lin-Manuel Miranda, who is also the play’s creator, and he is so adorable that I want to pat him on the head and give him milk and cookies.

What is the plot?

There’s a lot of singing and dancing, and I think there’s also a duel?

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See? Milk and cookies, right?

 

Also

This guy won the Pulitzer Prize for Drama in 2016, and a MacArthur Genius Grant, and a bunch of Tony Awards, and God knows what-all else, so now I’m pretty impressed. That came from Wikipedia, so it could be incorrect, but still….

Photo from NPR.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)

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My husband now really wants one of these fantastic beasts for Christmas. The movie had “where to find them” in the title, but I really didn’t learn that information. Maybe on Amazon or ebay?

Me: We went to see Fantastic Beasts yesterday.

Coworker: Oh, how was it?

Me: Pretty good.

Coworker:  An escapist movie like that sounds pretty good right now. I could do with a couple of hours away from reality. What was it about?

Me: It takes place in the Harry Potter Universe, so it’s a fantasy. It’s about these people who have a lot to offer the world, but they have to hide who they really are to avoid persecution.

Coworker: So nothing like the real world at all.

Me: Right.

Image came from screenrant.com.

Doctor Strange (2016)

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Image from slashfilm.com.

Will someone please tell the Committee that I just renewed my Nerd Credentials? Now, I know some of you are thinking: “Hey April, those superhero movies aren’t just for nerds. They make millions of dollars!  I go to see them, and I’m not a nerd!” That may be true. Maybe you’ll just go to see this one because you like Benedict Cumberbatch. Well, guess what, that means you are a nerd and you don’t even know it.

That’s okay, because he’s always great, and he’s a great Stephen Strange. And also, not every dude can pull off a cape. But Benedict Cumberbatch fucking can. How does he do it? I don’t know, he just fucking does.

And Finally-

Yes, it was fun to watch, really nice visual effects (a lot of stuff that looked like it came straight from Inception), and more fight scenes than I personally needed to see, but I know people like that stuff. Anyway, I really write these for my friends that have already seen the movies, I’m not trying to tell strangers what I think they should see or not. What if I tell you that it’s good and then you don’t like it? That’s too much pressure!

I am confident in saying this though: it could have used more Rachel McAdams. She’s too awesome to just be the love interest. Maybe there will be more for her to do in the sequels?

Oh, and, there was a Dr. Strange (1978). That’s why I always put the release year after the title. I wouldn’t want you to think I was talking about this one.

 

Sully (2016)

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Photo ripped off from Screen Rant.

How it all went down (Spoilers, sort of):

Me: Oh no, Tom Hanks is sad.
Bureaucratic Bad Guys on the Screen: We’ll get you Tom Hanks!
Tom Hanks: No you won’t.
Bureaucratic Bad Guys on the Screen: Tom Hanks, you have taught us a lesson.
Tom Hanks: My pleasure.
Me: You go, Tom Hanks.

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Bonus points for Aaron Eckhart’s awesome mustache! Photo ripped off from Rotten Tomatoes

The Avengers (2012)

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I know this movie came out four years ago. But I had to think about it for a while. The thing is, I’m not an expert in the Marvel Universe, or the DC Universe, or really any universe at all, including the one we live in. I still call Jeremy Renner’s character “The Arrow Guy.” Also, I always call Falcon “The Hawk.”

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He does look pretty evil though. Photo from Fandom at Wikia.com

I rewatched this movie recently and it inspired me to start a new blog called “Handsome Men in Stupid Headgear.” I’m not really going to do it, but I was inspired anyway. Tom Hiddleston? Super handsome. Tom Hiddleston in a huge golden helmet with horns sticking out of it? Super goofy.

Also, I like Joss Whedon because I just really like “Firefly,” so I feel I should talk up everything he does so he can stay in business and come up with more Firefly-type things (because my opinion is SO important to everyone in the entertainment industry).

And that is what I think of this movie.

 

 

Suicide Squad (2016)

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Image from comicbookmovie.com.

Alright, it’s time for my review of “Suicide Squad.”

We all know that the critics have panned this thing. To paraphrase a character from the movie, they want to put it in a hole, and throw away the hole. I would summarize the complaints as: This movie makes no sense, the continuity is off, and it’s depressing. There is also my favorite description, from the Wall Street Journal, which states that the movie “is trash.”

To all that I say, “So what?” For crap’s sake, it’s a superhero movie. It doesn’t need to make a lot of sense. It just needs to make a little sense, and it does. Continuity- who cares? It’s just a bunch of crazy people running around fighting, and those people happen to be fun to watch. I could probably watch that cast paint a house and watch it dry and I could still have at least a little bit of fun. Depressing? Yeah, it’s gloomy, just like every other DC superhero movie since Tim Burton’s “Batman.” I’m pretty sure we’ve all thought this: “Suicide Squad” is “The Dirty Dozen” with more makeup and fewer Nazis. “The Dirty Dozen” is not a happy-go-lucky time at the movies either, but it’s an entertaining movie. What’s not to like?  And not one character in this film was as creepy or depressing as the Telly Savalas character in that film.

The 20-something-year old guys in front of me liked it too. They perked right up the minute Margot Robbie appeared on the screen.

I say, you paid to be entertained, so let yourself be entertained and enjoy this movie for what it is.  It’s fun and it has Will Smith being all charming, what else do you want?*

*A dangerous question to ask a critic. They can be quite snide.

The Dark Tower (2017)

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I mean, dang, look at this guy! Could he be any cooler? I don’t think so!

Say it ain’t so! Despite my review from last year, Rotten Tomatoes has given this movie only a 16% rating, meaning, it’s certified crappy. I won’t delete my previous review (below) because I don’t like to pretend that I never make mistakes. But I have to say, I’m pretty disappointed— I’ve been looking forward to this movie 😦

From April 2016:

I’ve been looking forward to this one. It’s coming out in 2017, but I just found out that Idris Elba is playing the gunslinger. Therefore, I am ready to rate it: Two thumbs up!

*Disclaimer- the thumbs that are “up” are my own, not Siskel’s or Ebert’s, although I’m pretty sure that if they were alive, they would agree with me. 8/4/2016—I was wrong on that: the guy from rogerebert.com called it “more forgettable than loathsome.” So, not the kind of compliment the filmmakers were hoping for, I assume.

Photo from Celebitchy.

Opinions expressed in the linked article are those of the article’s writer–I just wanted the picture.